Info, Groups, Resources

One study predicts that about a quarter of boomers may become “elder orphans.

Family members provide about 70% of long-term care services, according to a survey by the American College of Financial Services. Not only are more boomers childless, those who do have children have fewer than the previous generation. Trendsetters from the start, the boomers have spawned a new phenomenon: caregiver shortage.

As of 2010, there were more than seven family caregivers for every person 80 and over with children and grandchildren. By 2030, estimates say, there will only be four and by 2050 there will be fewer than three. But for some the number is likely to be ZERO: Who will take care of the childless boomers when they’re old?

Social network subsections for: 

1. only children (who have no close relatives: siblings, nephews/nieces etc; only-child of only-child, so no cousins etc);

2. children who took care of an elderly parent for an extended period to the extent that it seriously constrained their social life etc - generally this will be the single childless sibling:

"Rasing your parents - in reverse": the process is going from a parent who is in control mentally and is still in the role of your parent but needs physical care like a child, or the reverse, and it degenerates continually, the reverse of the case of raising a child who grows more independent, more knowledgeable etc, instead the parent becomes more and more like a child and then an infant. So it is in certain ways a more emotionally-draining process than raising a child.

It might be useful and cathartic for people like this to get together in various ways, to supplement what they missed out on and to give them a sense of some type of larger 'family. 


AI children as 'avatars'

as social interaction concierges, matchmakers: the AI can scan the genes of two or more and asemble a child, provide a photo and prospective abilities, characteristics, and this can be par tof the match. Also, since one;s family will be an iortant art, matching backgrounds and culture to find a goo match to what each wants and is and has...

AI matching their human to individuals not just groups

The AI can interact with the human's relatives and friends, to coordinate, especially in time of illness etc, or as a sophisticated voice mail.

Easy to arrange custody in case of divorce!  :)

Can serve as the executor of the human's estate, or advisor to the legal executor, and even do so over an extended period.

Paying the "server-bill" for a long period after their death, enables the AI to exist and interact with younger relatives etc posthumously, granting a form of immortality. If the AI can itself earn the necessary funds, especially via investing some of the human's estate, it pays for itself.

A community of these AIs can live on for long after the human's death, creating continuity as would have biological children. 

If the human's genetic code is recorded, at some future time there can be some form of fusion of bio and AI creating a greater degree of continuity.

Perhaps one day it would be permitted for two such AIs to merge the genetic material of their long-deceased humans and to raise a biological child as though their humans had married and created that child.


to proactively create an environment and community which would make it more likely, eg a mutually-supportive group  people in the same situation, ie older men who are starting a family very late and will need each other's support in various ways.

Or altenatively, a community for 50+ men and women who gave up that notion.

So would it be a good idea to devise a mechanism to help those in this category to self-organize?

Outside Israel it is perhaps more necessary to create actual an "intentional community" of people living in the same building or nearby or in a set of homes in a small town.

Perhaps living in some other country, as "ex-pats", eg as many 50+ semi-retired or retired Americans - single and couples - move to a lesser expensive country such as in Latin America, or as men move to S.E. Asia

For somewhat observant strongly-affiliated older childless Jews outside Israel, would it make more sense to form a community:

of people:

Potential benefits of joining such an 'intentional community':

Would it be useful to have:


See these terms:

And in conjunction with: 


FB groups:


in Mexico:

many such groups




Childless finance  Gateway Women, the global friendship and support network for childless women.  A supportive, intelligent, friendly, compassionate, safe, private online membership community of ID-checked women like us from all over the world who ‘get’ what it’s like to be a us in our motherhood-obsessed society.  Non-Parent Groups and Information: Parental status is irrelevant to being a VHEMT Volunteer, since the distinction that really matters is the decision to produce no more of us. However, Volunteers who have decided to remain childfree may find contact with others who have made the same choice to be reassuring and fun. The NotMom was launched in 2012 to spotlight the unique perspectives, legacies and dimensions of a woman’s life without motherhood through our blog, events and social networks. The NotMom is American in focus, but global in scope.

We embrace women who never wanted children, those who once hoped for them, and those who have never given birth but may care for stepchildren or young relatives. The National Organization for Non-Parents began in 1972 with intentions of changing the narrative for childless couples. The 400 member group sought to support one another and educate others on the benefits of being childless. After changing their name in the 1980s to the National Alliance for Optional Parenthood, the organization faded into the background, still managing to help members abroad.

Legislation in the Senate & House would make major progress in addressing this problem by substantially expanding the EITC for workers not raising children in their homes.

Seeking Ways to Help the Poor and Childless

 NotMom was launched in 2012 to spotlight the unique perspectives, legacies and dimensions of a woman’s life without motherhood through our blog, events and social networks. The NotMom is American in focus, but global in scope.


Create a new crowd-funding platform for demographics which hope to benefit personally from the project:


Resources page lists this:

Authentic voices. Real stories. Insights, advice and more.




Yerusha: A Website for Older Childless Jews


In fact, a recent study by AARP found that 11.6% of women aged 80 to 84 were childless as of 2010. At the same time, the caregiver support fraction was about seven potential caregivers for every person over the age of 80. But by 2030, that fraction will decline to four to one. By 2050, it’s expected to fall to three to one.

Simply put, the supply of adult children caregivers will not keep up with the growing demand for elderly assistance.


What Can We Do If We Don’t Have Children to Step Up?

Single people, living alone, have more to worry about than just growing frail. What happens if one partner develops a form of dementia, has knee or hip surgery, or breaks a limb? My sisters and I face this dilemma and so do many of our friends and family. Many of us fall into one of the following categories:

If This Describes You, Here Are Some Suggestions

The Following Support Groups and Organizations May Also be Able to Help

These suggestions require due diligence and the advice of an attorney. That said, I encourage you to make preparations now for your later years and communicate your wishes to your family or support team. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to get everything organized. The good news is that proper planning can help you live many more years with dignity and in relative safety.

Are you or someone you know the primary caretaker for a loved one? What has your experience been? What advice would you give to someone who is taking on a caretaker role for the first time?

Carol Marak is an Aging Advocate and Editor at She’s an experienced family caregiver and writes about aging issues, senior care concerns, and the family’s role throughout the journey. She is passionate about ending society’s barriers that obstruct aging with dignity. Her work appears in Huffington Post and senior health outlets. Follow at @Carebuzz and @SeniorCareQuest.

.........   Batya Lewton, 82, right, with Kitty Williston, one of two friends she chose to oversee her future. Both live in her Upper West Side apartment building.

...  Has many resources and ideas, see entire article at end of this email

Single? No Kids? Don’t Fret: How to Plan Care in Your Later Years



How Childless Couples And Individuals Can Plan For Their Senior Years

This article on aging is provided by Everplans — The web's leading resource for planning and organizing your life. Create, store and share important documents that your loved ones might need. Find out more about Everplans »


Childless Seniors Need to Build a Safety Net

It is critical to plan ahead. Among your tasks is to create a support system, build a team of professional advisers and find aging-friendly housing.

Childless Seniors Need to Build a Safety Net - Kiplinger

As baby boomers age, the number of childless seniors, both couples and singles, is rising. Close to 19% of all women ages 80 to 84 will fall into that category in ..

Nov 16, 2017 - Thing is Im an only child and my husband's half brother and his family live ... My husband has one brother who has two small children, but they live 2 ... what will become of me as asenior citizen...sure my husband and I may ...



JUL 23, 2015 @ 10:19 AM 3,302 

2 Free Issues of Forbes

Who Will Provide Care For Childless Boomers?

By Denise Foley, Next Avenue Contributor

The last piece of real estate Pam and Bruce Boyer purchased together was more than 20 years ago: adjoining plots in the cemetery across the street from their home in historic Bethlehem, Pa.

“We chose a place we really like. We walk there – it’s like a park in London,” says Pam Boyer, 68, a retired magazine researcher whose husband is a freelance writer. “We got it taken care of early before it seemed morbid – or too homey,” she adds with a laugh.

‘Elder Orphans’

It wasn’t the only accommodation the Boyers made to the fact that they are childless, a circumstance an estimated one in five boomers find themselves in as they age.

One study predicts that about a quarter of boomers may become “elder orphans.” That’s a newly coined term for people who reach old age with no family or friends left, like the 81-year-old North Carolina man who made the news in May when he called 911 for food because he had no one else to turn to.

Fewer Caregivers

Family members provide about 70% of long-term care services, according to a survey by the American College of Financial Services. Not only are more boomers childless, those who do have children have fewer than the previous generation. Trendsetters from the start, the boomers have spawned a new phenomenon: caregiver shortage.

(MORE: America's Family Caregivers Need Assistance)

As of 2010, there were more than seven family caregivers for every person 80 and over. By 2030, estimates say, there will only be four and by 2050 there will be fewer than three.

That raises the question: Who will take care of the childless boomers when they’re old?

Avoiding the Serious Questions

What alarms many experts is that it’s not the boomers who are asking that question.

“I’d say of every four people I meet, three have not made any decisions at all about their health care when they age,” says Bert Rahl, a licensed social worker and director of mental health services at the Benjamin Rose Institute on Aging in Cleveland, Ohio.

Understanding the Truth

The Boyers chose to be proactive. What made it easier: In light of their circumstances, they’d given it a lot of thought.

They knew when they married more than 30 years ago that they were never going to have children. Pam Boyer is an only child who cared for her grandmother and both her parents — her father had Parkinson’s disease, her mother, Alzheimer’s — in their later years.

(MORE: A Top-Rated Nursing Home Can Be Hard to Find)

“We’re not a healthy family,” she says ruefully.

And neither of them was squeamish about talking about death — even their own.

Take Charge of Your Life

So not only did the Boyers pre-plan their burial, they downloaded documents from the Internet that allowed them to create an advanced directive (a living will that spells out your wishes for end-of-life care) as well as durable power of attorney (POA) so a trusted friend could handle both health care and financial decisions for them when they couldn’t.

(Unlike an ordinary POA, a durable POA stays in effect if you’re incapacitated. The medical version of the POA is called a durable POA for health care.)

They also bought long-term care insurance to help cover expenses if they develop chronic illnesses that require treatment over a long period of time. Premiums for this kind of insurance are high — they can range, on average, from as low as $1,700 to more than $5,000 a year — but they offer the couple peace of mind that a catastrophic illness won’t bankrupt them.

Preventing Falls

They also did some preventive remodeling. They added grab bars to their bathtub and moved their washer and dryer from the basement to the main floor of their house to reduce their risk of falls. Falling is the No. 1 cause of hospitalization for older adults in the United States and a leading reason those 75 and older wind up in long-term care.

“Making your home fall-resistant is one of the best things you can do. Your injury potential goes way down,” says Louis Tenenbaum, a former carpenter and contractor who founded the Aging in Place Institute. The organization advocates for housing modifications to meet the needs of seniors who want to stay in their own homes as long as possible.

Every step the Boyers have taken to protect themselves in old age is a wise move even if you have children who say they’re ready and willing to be your caregivers, says Dr. Bruce Chernof, president and CEO of California-based SCAN Foundation, a nonprofit dedicated to improving the range of health care for seniors.

Finding Strong Supporters

Chernof, who himself is a married boomer with no children, says “family” needs to be defined broadly.

“It’s not just children. We all should be thinking about how we want to live our lives with dignity and independence and we should be building a circle of friends and family around us to help us realize that plan,” Chernof notes.

The key thing is choosing someone who will enforce the decisions you’ve already made, Rahl says. “It’s very important to communicate ahead of time what your wants and wishes are, and choose someone who will honor your wishes, not impose their own personal values,” he adds.

Draft Documents, Get Insurance

Having that “circle of support” isn’t enough without the conversation about what you want done when something happens to you. “Seventy percent of those over 65 are going to need long-term service, including help around the home, dressing, transportation and more,” Chernof says. “Not only should you be talking about what you want, it’s incumbent on you to have tools in place — like durable power of attorney and an advanced directive document and long-term care insurance if you can afford it — to support your circle of support when you hit a speed bump.”

Having those conversations isn’t easy.

Alice Alexander, 57, admits she’s one of those “typical people who have their head in the sand” about growing older.

But she took one step that she knows is in the right direction, though she did it for other reasons: She and her husband of three years recently moved into a co-housing condo community in downtown Durham, N.C. Like the Boyers, they’re childless.

Being There for Each Other

“I wanted to live in a community and with co-housing, community is there when you want it,” says Alexander, executive director of the Co-Housing Association. “I wanted one of those neighborhoods where you know your neighbors, where you remember each other’s birthdays and feel comfortable knocking on the door when you need help but you can always close the door. I think together as a group we’ll all find the courage to have the conversation, because we really do need to think about this.”

Alexander’s multigenerational co-housing neighbors — the Durham Central Park Co-Housing Community — haven’t set up a legal covenant spelling out how neighborly they’re going to be. But they have agreed that they want to be there for one another.

The plan was tested during the month of move-in, when one of their single neighbors broke her arm and couldn’t care for herself.

Rather than see her go to rehab, “We scheduled visiting with her, bringing her food, and some people volunteered to help her bathe,” Alexander says.

Revisit the Decisions

While setting plans in place for the potential and the inevitable are a good idea, they’ll sometimes require some tinkering. Over the last couple of years, the Boyers realized that asking a close friend to be their support was probably not the best idea.

“Unfortunately, he’s our age, which is not going to be a practical solution,” Pam says. “We’re going to ask an attorney to take over for us.”

Her advice: “Talk about it while you’re still feeling good and revisit it from time to time. It’s not once and done.”

Denise Foley, former editor at Prevention magazine, has also written for Good Housekeeping and She lives in the Philadelphia area.



Single? No Kids? Don’t Fret: How to Plan Care in Your Later Years


Sarah Peveler moved to Tarboro, N.C., a few years before retiring. Living alone, she uses a network of friends and social groups, as well as a cellphone app, to make sure she is checked on periodically.CreditJeremy M. Lange for The New York Times

By Susan B. Garland                       March 23, 2018

Sarah Peveler lacks a support system that many older people count on: their adult children.

But Ms. Peveler, 71, who is divorced and childless, said she was determined not to let fear of an uncertain future get the best of her.

To help avoid the potential perils of a solitary old age, Ms. Peveler is carrying out a multipronged, go-it-alone plan. A key part of it was to find a small community where she could make friends and walk nearly everywhere, without worrying about the hazards of ice and snow.

A friend from North Carolina suggested that she look at Tarboro, in the eastern part of the state, about 75 miles from Raleigh. The city of 11,400filled the bill, and she moved there several years before retiring in 2012 from her job as an executive at a Philadelphia-based nonprofit.

“At some point, I am not going to be able to drive,” she said. From her downtown home, “I can walk to Main Street, the library, the church, the drugstore and the Piggly Wiggly.”


Ms. Peveler paid $135,000 cash for a one-story house with longevity in mind. One of the three bedrooms, she said, can be converted into an apartment if she needs a caretaker to move in. She is thinking of checking out assisted-living facilities in case she ever needs more than home care. (There is a family history of dementia, she said.) Several mini-strokes caused some cognitive impairment, so her doctor monitors her regularly.

With a brother on the West Coast and no nieces or nephews to step in, Ms. Peveler has, through her church and several civic activities, developed a surrogate family of friends and neighbors, many of them several decades younger, who keep tabs on her. For added protection, she signed up for a service, EyeOn App, that signals three friends if she does not reply within a half-hour to scheduled alerts on her cellphone.

“Once, I didn’t respond, and everyone called me,” she said. “My next-door neighbor sent her daughter over.”

Although no plan is foolproof, Ms. Peveler said she was as confident as she could be. “I know people would have my back,” she said.


Ms. Peveler is among a growing number of older Americans who are unmarried and childless. By 2030, about 16 percent of women 80 to 84 will be childless, compared with about 12 percent in 2010, according to a 2013 report by AARP.


Ms. Peveler, 71, said she felt confident about the network she had created. “I know people would have my back,” she said.CreditJeremy M. Lange for The New York Times

While Ms. Peveler is trying to control the risks of aging alone, many so-called elder orphans may not fare as well. Older single and childless people are at higher risk than those with children for facing medical problems, cognitive decline and premature death, according to a 2016 study led by Dr. Maria Torroella Carney, chief of geriatric and palliative medicine at the Northwell Health system on Long Island. The study noted that about 22 percent of people 65 and older either are childless or have children who are not in contact.

Adult children typically help elderly parents negotiate housing, social-service and health care options. Without such a fallback, elder orphans can reduce their risks by building their own support structures, Dr. Carney said.

“People who are aging alone need to make plans when they are independent and functional,” she said. “They need to learn about the resources in the community and the appropriate time to start using them.” Those services could include senior-friendly housing and the growing number of home-delivered products and services aimed at the aging-solo market, such as healthy meals and doctors who make house calls, she said.

One of the first steps childless people should take is to hire an elder law lawyer, who can draw up documents that will protect them if they become incapacitated. Childless people typically turn to a friend, a lawyer, clergy, or a niece or nephew to make medical decisions, according to experts. A bank’s trust unit can take on financial tasks, with a friend, a relative or a lawyer monitoring the bank’s decisions.

Christina Lesher, an elder law lawyer in Houston, suggests appointing a “micro board,” which includes the lawyer, the health care and financial agents, an accountant and a geriatric care manager. “The board can step in if a client cannot make decisions,” Ms. Lesher said. The client could assign a network of friends and neighbors to call the lawyer in an emergency or if they notice any cognitive decline.

As for housing, Dr. Carney recommends that people aging alone consider a senior-friendly “congregate living” arrangement. Besides offering a variety of services, such housing can lessen isolation, which her research shows can lead to physical and cognitive decline. If that is not possible, she said, elder orphans should move closer to shopping, medical care, recreation and senior support services.


One housing option with a built-in support system is a continuing care retirement community. Residents usually start in an independent living unit and, depending on the care needed, move to an on-site assisted-living unit or a skilled-nursing facility. Entrance and monthly fees tend to be hefty, however. Typical entry fees range from just over $100,000 to more than $400,000 while monthly services fees can range from $2,000 to $4,000, according to MyLifeSite, which tracks the pricing and financial information of more than 800 C.C.R.C.s.

With no one to oversee their care, elder orphans who want to remain in their own homes for as long as possible could enlist a geriatric care manager, who monitors elderly clients and coordinates care.

In Washington, D.C., clients of Iona Senior Services, for example, can arrange for a care manager to be on call as their health deteriorates, said Deborah Rubenstein, director of consultation, care management and counseling programs. If a client is discharged from a hospital, for example, the care manager, in consultation with the designated health care agent, would arrange for rehabilitation or home care, she said.

“More and more people were coming to us and saying, ‘I’m O.K. now, but I’m realistic enough to know my health status could change,’” Ms. Rubenstein said. Iona charges $150 an hour.


Carol Marak of Dallas created a Facebook group two years ago for so-called elder orphans. What stood out, she said, was the number of members concerned about being “isolated and disconnected.”CreditDylan Hollingsworth for The New York Times

Meanwhile, a growing number of volunteer neighborhood groups are providing both social connections and practical help to older people who are at home alone. More than 200 organizations in the Village to Village Network, including “villages” in the New York area, provide rides to medical appointments, snow removal, home repairs and computer support. Villages in 150 additional neighborhoods are in development. Tax-deductible membership fees can range from $100 to $400.

Entrepreneurs and companies, many nationwide, are moving into the so-called longevity market. On-demand services, accessible by a phone app or a computer, can connect people to personal assistants and food delivery.


“The on-demand marketplace will be the best friend of elder orphans,” said Mary Furlong, a Silicon Valley consultant to companies that cater to seniors.

For example, the ride-hailing service Lyft is working with health care systems and retirement communities to provide rides to nonemergency medical appointments and other destinations. And because financial acuity often declines with age, childless singles can enroll in a service such as EverSafe, which monitors accounts for unusual spending and alerts the client or a trusted advocate of possible fraud.

In-home technology, like medication reminders, also can help people live alone safely longer, experts say. Besides her EyeOn home-monitoring system, Ms. Peveler uses an Amazon Alexa device.

“If I am reading a recipe, I can tell her what to put on a shopping list,” said Ms. Peveler, who has a harder time remembering some details since her mini-strokes. And just for fun, she may tell Alexa “to make cat noises, and one of my cats goes nuts.”

For those aging solo, expanding a social network is essential, according to experts on aging. Two years ago, Carol Marak, who is in her mid-60s and lives alone in Dallas, started the Elder Orphan Facebook Group.

“I wanted a place to feel less lonely and to connect with others in the same situation,” said Ms. Marak, who is also the spokeswoman for, a site that provides information on local care options. About 6,500 childless singles, mostly women, are members, she said.

Ms. Marak said she was struck by the number of members who worried about being “isolated and disconnected from the community.” She said she was trying hard to create her own social connections. She moved from a suburban house to a downtown condominium building, where she is making new friends. And she has organized brunches for Dallas members of the Facebook page.

Determined to stay healthy for as long as possible, Ms. Marak said she walks six miles a day and eats mostly vegan meals. “I need to keep stronger because I am totally responsible for myself,” she said.

A version of this article appears in print on March 25, 2018, on Page BU5 of the New York edition with the headline: Aging Alone? Here’s How to Plan for the Later Years...........


Family caregivers are the mainstay of elderly care and long-term care services ... study by AARP found that 11.6% of women aged 80 to 84 were childless as of 2010. ... Single people, living alone, have more to worry about than just growing frail. ... My only child, my son, passed away as a result of a motor vehicle accident.

Elder orphans: a serious concern, a scare story to put uppity singles in their place, ... Orphans are people without parents, they are not adults without children.

Aug 26, 2014 - In February 2011, I posted a story about being old and childless titled, ... must be a million ways to allow miracles into one's elder life without children. ... I delivered our first and only child in the nick of time the year I turned 40.

Nov 3, 2016 - Millions of seniors face the situation where they are single and childless but one day may need long-term care. And if they do, they'll need ...

Parents assume, right or wrong, that their children will take care them as they age. Childless adults don't have that option, which makes old age an especially ...


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,,,,  Bruce Chernof (CA): Dr. Chernof is currently serves as the President and Chief Executive Officer of The SCAN Foundation, with the mission to advance the development of a sustainable continuum of care for seniors. The SCAN Foundation is one of the largest foundations in the United States focused entirely on improving the quality of health and life for seniors.Prior to heading The SCAN Foundation, Dr. Chernof served as the Director and Chief Medical Officer for the Los Angeles County Department of Health Services, after serving as the Department’s Senior Medical Director for Clinical Affairs and Affiliations since December 2004. Earlier in his career, Dr. Chernof served as Regional Medical Director for California Health Programs at Health Net, California’s largest network-model managed care plan where he managed the Healthy Families program statewide and the managed care Medicaid program in Los Angeles County. Previously, Dr. Chernof worked as an academic general internist in the VA system as well as at Olive View UCLA Medical Center, serving as a UCLA faculty member.

Currently, Dr. Chernof is an Adjunct Professor of Medicine at UCLA. 

Remodelling for ageing in place :   ,   Louis Tenenbaum, a former carpenter and contractor who founded the Aging in Place Institute.